“Your liver is a tiny pink lawn-chair.  My liver is a leather sectional sofa”

“Your liver is Turbo.   My liver is Summerborn”  (This one’s a late night DCT7 inside joke)

“Your liver is the Royals.   My liver is Albert Pujols”

“Your liver is a tiny red Christmas ornament, my liver is Santa Claus and eight tiny reindeer”

“Your liver is Ralph Maccio.  My liver is Bruce Lee”

“Your liver is a tiny eyelash stuck to the side of your nose.  My liver is Chuck Norris’s beard”

“Your liver is a 40 watt flourescent bulb.   My liver is the Sun”

“Your liver speaks in a soft feminine voice.  My liver is Barry Whites voice coach”

“Your liver joined the Peace Corps.   My liver held back the entire Persian empire at Thermopylae”

“My liver is Transformers, your liver is Gili”

“Your liver is pigeon poo, my liver is man-sized elephant dung”

“Your liver is a muddy puddle, my liver is the Shed Aquarium”

“Your liver is Yoko Ono and sings like her too, my liver is pretty much anyone else”

 ”My liver is Central Air, your liver is a tiny folding fan”

“Your liver is a 3.5″ black and white tv with a digital converter, my liver is a 70inch 1080p with the screen split between porn and football”

“My liver is He-Man, your liver is She-ra”

“My liver made it a blockbuster night, your liver fell asleep on the toilet reading ‘People’”

“My liver is the original Nike Air Jordans, your liver is Pro-Wings”

“Your liver is an a-cup, my liver is double-D’s”

“My liver has opposable thumbs, your liver has opposable breath”

“My liver plays to sold out stadiums, your liver gave my roadies liver a BJ to get backstage”

“My liver is Tiger Woods Golf on the WII, your liver is Oregon Trail on the orange and black screen”

“Your liver got splashed in the face at the kiddy pool and cried, my liver stormed the beach at Normandy”

“My liver is Mike Tyson, your liver is Don Flamenco”

“My liver HAD Jesse’s girl, your liver just wishes it did”

“Your liver wishes it had Jesse’s girl, meanwhile Jesse and his girl are raising my livers illegitimate love child”

“Your liver wishes it had Jesse’s girl, my liver got the clap from that b!tch”

“My liver is a black magic woman”

“My liver is a black magic marker”

“My liver is a black Magic Johnson!”

“Your liver is a Vespa Scooter, my liver is an Custom Chopper”

“Your liver is a seamstress, my liver built a house with a claw hammer”

“My liver is the tri-state beer chugging champion, your liver drinks warm milk from a thimble” 

“My liver is Michael Jordan, your liver is Scottie Pippen”

“Your liver is Michael Jackson 2009, my liver is Michael Jackson 1982″

Personal Preferences
Going to the gym but not lifting free weights is 9% gay
Not eating spicy food is 10% gay
Eat pizza or any appetizer with a fork and knife is 11% gay
Knowing the names to more than 8 colors is 12% gay
Correcting other peeples spelling is 13% gay
If you’ve never shot a firearm that’s 14% gay
If you’ve never been in a fist fight, thats 15% gay
Going to the Renaissance Festival is 21% gay
Not liking the taste of beer is 24% gay
Buying gifts for guy friends (excluding shots and lap dances) is 27% gay
Watching “Dirty Dancing” if you haven’t seen “Roadhouse” is 29% gay
Jean Claude Van Damme the man is not gay.
Jean Claude Van Damme the name is 30% gay.
Going “Green” is 31% gay
Using the word “Homophobic” is 42% gay
Complimenting another man on any physical feature is 43% gay
Being a vegetarian is at least 52% gay
Using the word “Fabulous” is 98% gay
Experimenting with your drunk buddy in college is 100% gay

Vehicles
Automatic Transmissions are 10% gay
Any convertible that’s not based on a Jeep or a Truck is 40% gay
Motor scooters are 50% gay
A Mini Cooper, a Beetle, or a car that could be mistaken for either is 52% gay
Mazda Miatas are 75% gay

Hygiene and Grooming
Having a natural perm is 11% gay
Using any hair product is 14% gay
Using the phrase “Hair Product” is 15% gay
Using anyting other than nail clippers or a knife on your nails is 15% gay
Shaving any part of your body below the neckline is 18% gay
Having your hair cut anywhere but a barbershop is 21% gay
Tanning is 36% gay
Having a 1/8 inch shaved head and earings is 37% gay
Changing the color of your hair is 40% gay
Getting a perm on purpose is 46% gay
Getting highlights is 47% gay

Clothing
Owning more than 3 pairs of non-athletic shoes is 10% gay
Owning more than 3 belts (excluding Karate) is 12% gay
Paying more than $75 for a pair of jeans is 35% gay
Wearing under-armor or spandex as the outer-most layer is 38% gay

This list is 23.2 % gay

IF you’d like to add to the big gay list send an email to Thatsgay@1800dc.com.

Or just leave a comment and it may be added to the next version of the list!

SOFTBALL TOURNAMENT

THE SOFTBALL TOURNAMENT WILL BE HELD SATURDAY JUNE 27TH, 2009 IN LA CYGNE STARTING TIME IS 10:00 AM.

IT WILL BE COED TEAMS LIKE LAST YEAR WITH A MINIMUM OF 4 GIRLS PER TEAM. WE WILL GIVE TEE SHIRTS TO THE WINNERS AGAIN LIKE LAST YEAR. ALSO WILL NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH DRINKS AND SNACKS TO BUY, BECAUSE I KNOW WE GOT TOO MUCH LAST YEAR SO MAYBE WE CAN TRY TO BUY A LITTLE LESS THIS YEAR. WE ARE TRYING TO FIND OUT IF THEY WILL ALLOW A KEG OR BEER IN THE PARKING LOT AND WE WILL NOT HAVE IT ON THE FIELD IF THEY DO NOT WANT US TOO.

POC for Softball Tournament is Stephany Cuevas-Spiker  Stephany@mokanpreps.com

GOLF TOURNAMENT

THE GOLF TOURNAMENT WILL BE SUNDAY JUNE 28TH, 2009. TEE TIMES AT 7:30 A.M. AND 1:00 P.M. YOU WILL NEED TO BE THERE A HALF HOUR EARLY TO SIGN IN AND GET READY. WE WILL GIVE CASH PRIZES OUT TO FIRST, SECOND AND THIRD PLACE MENS, AND THE SAME FOR THE WOMENS. THERE WILL BE A LONG DRIVE CONTEST, WINNER GETS A NEW DRIVER. LONGEST PUT CONTEST, WINNER GETS A NEW PUTTER, CLOSET TO THE PIN WINNER GETS GIFT CERTIFICATE TO SOMEWHERE NOT SURE YET.

LETS HAVE ANOTHER FUN YEAR AND KEEP THIS THING GOING. JACOB WOULD BE PROUD OF ALL OF YOU FOR WORKING SO HARD EVERY YEAR SO THAT PEOPLE REMEMER WHAT A GREAT GUY HE WAS, AND SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO SHARE HIS KINDNESS WITH OTHERS 

POC for Golf tournament is STEVEN SPIKER sspiker23@hotmail.com

We’ve opened up the Diabolical Canoe Trip 7 page on this site and will soon be accepting
registrations!    The evite should be coming out soon!

5.      To meet beautiful women and engage them in deep conversation…
about which drink they’d like you to buy them.

4.      To see where all the shirts from Express ended up.

3.      To use the bathroom, safe in the knowledge that you will have someone there to squirt
soap in your hands, turn on the water, hand you a paper towel, offer you a peppermint, and a
spray of cologne….so you can tell him you’ll tip him next time.

2.      To be a guy or a girl that can get into a club with a one-word name.

And the number one reason to go to club with a one-word name:

1.      To crinkle your lip into your best blue steel, tilt your head to the side, hold out a bottle of
vodka in one hand and a make believe gang-sign in the other…then capture it all in a new image for your Myspace page.

you and you’ll never find another one just like her. Before you decide to drink yourself to death

wallowing in your misery, let me tell you about what I call The Rule of 294.

According to the US Census Bureau the Population estimate is just over 295 million people (295,079,625 as of 12/30/04). Got that? TWO-HUNDRED and NINETY-FIVE MILLION. So there are 295 1-in-a-millions. Subtract your 1-in-a-million, that leaves 294.

So back to heartbreaker that you are sure is going to want you back after you kill that bottle of Jack and call her at 4 am… So lets say you’re right…She really is a 1 in a million… (Now Repeat after me) “BIG FNCKING DEAL THERE’S 294 MORE JUST LIKE HER”

And that my friends is The Rule of 294. And that’s only counting the US population… if you’re a world traveler go with the even better “Rule of 6,408″

If you get anywhere near my truck – you can smell that stuff. I’ve been driving everywhere with my windows down and it still makes my eyes water.

Just thought I’d share my funny story.

Smoothie

There was this picture that was painted for you when you were young and single – it was probably called ‘Happily Ever After’. It was the picture of the American Dream…and almost everything came in two’s or three’s. It started with a panoramic view of a nice subdivision with two or three different styles of houses that came in two or three different shades of beige. There was a two or three story house (it was split level…depends on how you look at it) with two or three small bedrooms and a master bedroom that was two or three times the size of the other bedrooms. There was of course two or three bathrooms and a two or three car garage where you’d park your two or three cars. In the house there lived two or three kids or at least two or three pets and you were married to the kind of person that you don’t meet in a bar that you dated for two or three years. Two or three times a month you’d go out for a quaint dinner at a chain restaurant that was two or three miles from your subdivision. To maintain your individuality you made sure you set aside two or three times a month to get together with your buddies for golf, poker, or whatever else might have fit in the picture. Funny thing was you had everything in the picture…except the happily ever after part.

Dead in the water, you realize that the breeze never stopped blowing…it just changed directions.

You’ve just piled your ninth roll of pennies, next to the quarters, nickels, and dimes you rolled up earlier…the piggy is officially bankrupt. You always thought that the change that was sitting in that little bowl on the nightstand, or maybe the 5 gallon water bottle with the really big opening would add up to a nice down payment towards a vacation or maybe that next toy you didn’t need. Instead you’re depositing the change rolls in your checking account along with the hundred bucks you transferred from your credit card. With the help from the piggy bank everything adds up, ends meet, the electricity stays on. The cable was turned off last month…even basic, you realize that there’s not much to watch on network TV. Turns out covering the $2000 retainer for your lawyer was harder than you thought.

You get a night job so you can stay afloat, you get back in the gym, you reconnect with friends you forgot…that thankfully didn’t forget you. You’re broke, you’re single, you live in an apartment, you don’t know what’s next or how you’ll afford it, you realize you just might be happier than you’ve been in years.

Full speed ahead, nothing but open seas and endless possibilities. Time to start working on your tan.

You’ve reached a balance, your needs are no longer at the expense of your wants. You do good things, good things happening to you. You do some bad things…you hope they don’t come back to haunt you. You have time for introspection, you make decisions on what’s right for you as an individual, you decide to paint your own picture in scenes, of the American Dream as it applies to you. Maybe you call your collective work ‘I know now what I didn’t know then’, or maybe you decide to change the name every time you add something new, why not…its your life. The background of the local scene almost always has the suburbs in the background on the distant horizon…because cabs charge two or three times as much to go that far. Your place is in town, maybe its an apartment, maybe you own a condo, maybe a house that was built before you were born. You may have two or three roommates, or maybe just two or three people that just seem to always be there …no matter…’mi casa es su casa’ is your policy. Maybe the next scene has you as the person crashing on the couch in someone else’s picture. There are scenes from local hangouts that you frequented so much they sent you Christmas cards. There are scenes of spring, summer, fall, and winter getaways. There are scenes of you getting bailed out of trouble and scenes of you bailing others out. There are scenes that could be lonely if they weren’t so full of people you cared about, that cared about you. There are scenes of you passed out, or helping carry others. There are some scenes that you’ve colored over because you hope no one else will see them.

Land ahead.
A lot of things are fun to do alone, but more are fun to do with someone else. A tree falls in the woods, but no one is there to hear it…you know the rest. You can cook like an iron chef, but the reward is watching others eat it. Movie theaters sell combos that have two drink and one popcorn and have armrests that raise up for a reason. Two for one deals are increasingly common, and hotels and cruises seem to book based on double occupancy. Yes…its almost always better to share experiences. The last word of this paragraph is…sex.

You finally know what you need in a partner and you realize that Paula Abdul was off her fncking rocker. Opposites attract, but you know that you’re Mrs. Right is going to need to enjoy the same things you do. Maybe you met her in a bar…who’s to judge…you were in the bar too. Maybe she went too far on the first date…who’s to judge…so did you. Maybe she doesn’t fit any of the description of what they told you mattered…it doesn’t matter…you’re playing by your own rules now. Maybe you weren’t even looking for her…then all of a sudden you realized who she was.

Your friends all got a little worried, they thought you’d fall off the scene. Sure she’s out now with you, but that’s the puppy part of puppy love right? After a few months they still might not be convinced. Then one night when she’s out partying with the girls and runs into them while you’re at home, suddenly they realize that she’s really not going to lock you away. Maybe she’s as much a part of the group as you are. Maybe they all want one just like her. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.