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So you’re stupid crazy in love or lust with Ms. Perfect (or Mr.) she’s one in a million and she just left
you and you’ll never find another one just like her. Before you decide to drink yourself to death
wallowing in your misery, let me tell you about what I call The Rule of 294.
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So I had this can of tiger balm in my truck Saturday my windows were rolled up and it was HOT in the truck. I heard something sizzling in there and noticed it was that can of Tiger Balm… I grabbed it and it EXPLODED all over the place, on me, all throughout the truck, EVERYWHERE. I didn’t change my clothes and we went straight to a Gentlemes Club… interesting because after the gals were sitting on me they started complaining about a little bit of burning sensation. Kinda funny really. It was brutal.
If you get anywhere near my truck – you can smell that stuff. I’ve been driving everywhere with my windows down and it still makes my eyes water.
Just thought I’d share my funny story.
Smoothie
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Divorce can knock the wind out of your sails.
There was this picture that was painted for you when you were young and single – it was probably called ‘Happily Ever After’. It was the picture of the American Dream…and almost everything came in two’s or three’s. It started with a panoramic view of a nice subdivision with two or three different styles of houses that came in two or three different shades of beige. There was a two or three story house (it was split level…depends on how you look at it) with two or three small bedrooms and a master bedroom that was two or three times the size of the other bedrooms. There was of course two or three bathrooms and a two or three car garage where you’d park your two or three cars. In the house there lived two or three kids or at least two or three pets and you were married to the kind of person that you don’t meet in a bar that you dated for two or three years. Two or three times a month you’d go out for a quaint dinner at a chain restaurant that was two or three miles from your subdivision. To maintain your individuality you made sure you set aside two or three times a month to get together with your buddies for golf, poker, or whatever else might have fit in the picture. Funny thing was you had everything in the picture…except the happily ever after part.
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